Emotional Love and Rebirth

Falling in love has a way of breaking us down and opening us up. It is not limited to the happy, blissful times we feel, but also in the quiet, painful aftermath as things begin to fall apart. Every ending relationship feels like tiny deaths. We create the dreams and illusion of perfection, but then like many things, it dissolves – intentionally and unintentionally. As the future we’ve imagined begins to disappear, the world seems to lose its color and the sky seems dull. But even in that dullness and the dark times that lies ahead after a breakup, life is forever forgiving and plants the seeds of something even more profoundly beautiful – Kind Rebirths.

Romantic love is an emotional rebirth as we learn to love and albeit, as we learn to love again. As the ending of one relationship begins to settle and we find the light to emerge by loving again, we learn to love someone else just as hard, ourselves. The journey of heartbreak to healing is a rediscovery. It’s a mission of redemption not meant to bring us back to where we started, but to bring us to new destinations more informed and wiser, deeper, transformed and stronger in our capacity to love. Not to be too cliché, but now that cocoon has opened and what arises is something we’ve never seen before and something we’ve never experienced: love, the reason.

Loss before Rebirth

It’s easy to look back on where we’ve been as we reach more promising lands. However, it’s not as easy when we are in the thick of a romantic relationship not progressing as we had envisioned. But, in the cycle of life, before rebirth comes loss (i.e., change). Relationships that go bad or end badly, many parts of ourselves that are tied to love must fade away. The “us” identity ceases to exist. The comfortable routines you shared with your partner begin to vanish and we are left with an empty void. Detaching from another part of ourselves hurts deeply and loudly. But that old skin that we used to wear for comfort has to separate for the new growth to develop.

We have a natural reaction to resist this change of life event. We cling to what we were unable to see what could be. But again, to rebirth kindly and face an emotionally charged transformation, we must yield. We must surrender. To truly accept the completeness of what love is, just as it is with all living things, we must accept that change is inevitable. But this surrender does not come without remuneration. Resilience becomes our new declaration. How much and to what length we can love didn’t die; it merely changed to make you stronger.

Healing from the Inside

Anyone who has ever been hurt by love craves space and solitude. That space between breakup and rebirth is sacred and tender. But it’s here where we begin reintroducing our older selves to the new person we are becoming. When it’s quiet and peaceful in this space, we can learn I what I have probably unintended to leave out throughout many of my other blog posts – we learn self-compassion. We have to respect the gentle and well-deserved act of giving ourselves the chance to rest and to heal. We have spent a lot of time learning what joy we give to and receive from our partner, but rarely do we give ourselves a chance to strengthen internally in solitude, in mindful meditation and self-awareness, through prayer, and if necessary, through counseling. As much mercy as we need to give to others who may have hurt us, we need to practice giving the same mercy to ourselves.

Emotional rebirths in romantic love begin when we stop defining ourselves through someone else’s love and that need for validation. We cannot be selfish with reserving compassion for ourselves. This is one way we align our mindfulness with our intention – stay true to ourselves and love ourselves as much as we love others. If you want to love authentically, this is it. This is how you do it.

Emotional Rebirth in Romantic Love

Love will return again. It might be a renewal of vows to an old flame or it may be starting brand new all over again. But this time, watch how the transformation has changed you, how it has changed the feelings you have. Remember that dull-colored sky? Well, it’s back to fluorescent highlights. There is a pronounced difference. There is more awareness, more presence, and more gratitude when you have allowed the old you to recede. New courses of action, a new mantra, new vigor and appreciation for life, for love, for yourself has transcended. Emotional rebirths let you love someone not because you need to be selfishly completed, but because ideally, that path will lead you to complete the circle of love and balance with your mate no matter what happens. Treat love as a gift, as the balance to the scale, not like the all or nothing scenarios life puts you in.

I’d be neglectful or careless if I didn’t make this distinction: a reborn love or a life witnessing Kind Rebirths of emotional love and attachments does not guarantee perfection. It carries mindful awareness of change resiliency and the fact that you may experience this over and over again many times. But each time is different and teaching you new experiences. Romantic love can be impermanent but let it serve you in beneficial ways. Love is more than a feeling. It is a force that each beholder can share.

Love Again

Let me end on this note. Each and every heartbreak we endure is opportunity to learn and grow beyond what has restrained us. Romance on its own is a beautiful gift, but so is the experience. Enjoy it when it comes; mourn it briefly when it passes, rebirth kindly when it returns. Let love become you.

Stay mindful…

Rebirths