Finding Peace after Death

What’s the old saying, the only things that are certain in real life are, death and taxes. Since I don’t write about money very often, I think I will place my focus on the former. Death is a weird experience. I don’t really have all the words to describe how it makes me feel personally. From an early age, we are taught that it is just an unchangeable and inevitable part of life. What we don’t know in most cases is when it is set to arrive. With that, how can you prepare to lose someone knowing that it can happen at any second or any moment of any day. Even knowing that it’s something that will happen at some point, which provides no relief.

So, what do we do? We buy policies; we create picture albums; we do everything we can to prepare for those final moments. But maybe there is more to this process than we have realized. Maybe it’s not as final we imagine. Without getting metaphysical, perhaps those we lose are really lost. Do they cease being because they have lost their physical presence? What about all the other places that our loved ones live that largely go unnoticed until after that dreadful event?

Have you ever noticed how the recently departed show up in our expressions, mannerisms, or gestures? We start to revisit them in photographs, certainly, but what about embedded in our family traditions, the music we listen to, the silly jokes, or simply in one of the many lessons we’ve learned from them? Someone told me that after one of parents passed away, she started cooking more and using many of the recipes that was handed down. It’s a myriad of ways those we lose seem to reappear in our lives and I don’t believe it’s part of the next installment of Insidious. It’s them reminding us that they continue to live on through our memories of them.

I know firsthand that grief needs its space. It deserves to be felt, and we are not guilty for feeling as if we need time to heal. Awareness doesn’t ask us to rush through grief. Furthermore, it doesn’t ask us to pretend to be happy when we aren’t or to act as if nothing happened. It also doesn’t tell us to just pretend it never happened. It allows us to notice that sorrow and sadness can exist alongside gratitude and fond memories. We can miss someone we’ve lost and still find ways to smile in our thoughts of them.

Remembrance is probably one of the most understated feelings and actions of the death process. That’s because it’s than just reliving a painful and emotional experience over and over again. When they continue to resurface in our everyday lives, even those beyond simple memories, we find new ways to celebrate their lives.

Please remember this: It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to remember them. It’s okay to say their names and to tell their stories. But more importantly, use all the reminders that we are fortunate to have to celebrate the fact that we had just a little time with them in this space.

Stay mindful…

Rebirth