Kindness in Relationships Starts with How We Listen

When relationships fail, is it really because of a lack of love? I’ve heard that most fail because of financial conflicts. From 40 plus years of experience, I would bet that another reason that ranks high is a lack of presence in a relationship. I know I am guilty. It’s just another habit many of us have developed - listening not to hear what the other person is saying, just listening to respond, to defend, or to fix something broken or disjointed. A Kind Rebirth in relationships begin when listening becomes an act of kindness rather than a means to an end.

Mindfulness is a technique that instructs individuals on how to slow down. When we listen with awareness, we allow the requisite space for truth to enter without interruption or distortion. Instead of waiting for our turn to speak in a conversation, the space we have developed creates clearer lines of communication and builds a stronger commitment to healing.

When we listen with kindness, there are no battle lines drawn. In other words, there are no this side or that side or your side or my side. That’s because we are not interacting to reach agreement. At this stage, that’s probably not the appropriate goal to focus on. Our focus is to be able to listen to each other without reservation, without judgment. We are seeking understanding by seeing and observing all angles not with our eyes, but with our ears. Knowing when to listen and when to remain quiet is an important skill in the craft of mindfulness. It creates a safe space and environment for our partner. And with that kind and safe space, we build this affirmation, “You can be here as you are. You are safe.” Let trust emerge with your mate especially when the conversations are hard ones to have.

When in relationships you start to notice that our performances change into connection, we are witnessing a Kind Rebirth. Anytime we are able to separate our minds from the instinctual beliefs that being right is the goal we need to seek, we witness growth. When that separation leads to openness, our relationship has room to grow and to deepen. The problems may still exist, but now you have set the stage for compassionate trust where two people can feel not only seen but heard.

Stay mindful…

Rebirth