Living Somone Else’s Definition of Success

Yesterday I wrote about time and being busy. It’s one of those things that we try to control to keep up with an ever-demanding society. Well, in that same vein, it occurred to me that success falls into this area. I know from an early age that we are bombarded with images of what success looks like. Even if it is not one specific picture, there are certainly things that we need to obtain in order to get there. For instance, our careers, our houses, our cars, our income, and achievements all fall under this category. Please understand that I do not mean to say that they are inherently wrong – far from it. Also, I do not fault someone from being driven to achieve these things. But today, I just ask if our intentions for achieving these are truly of our own formation or if they belong to everything around us?

Climbing a ladder of success is inspiring. Who wouldn’t want to see others achieve great heights and do great things? Trust me, as an African-American male in the US, knowing parts of our sordid history, we certainly look to those who have broken through the glass ceilings and accomplished things we were told we would and could not. However, there is another side to this coin where people spend an inordinate amount of time climbing a ladder realizing later that it wasn’t the right one or that it was leaning against the wrong tree. After getting to the top of that ladder after doing exactly what they were “instructed” to do, the top didn’t bring the joy or satisfaction for which they were hoping. The same unfulfilled life that existed at the top felt the same way it did at the bottom.

Please allow me to be honest for a second. I want this to work. Let me be clear. I want my website to work; I want my books to sell; and I want my merch to be popular. While 25 years ago, I would have been pushed intrinsically by the possibility of a lucrative enterprise. But now I’m more mature and more focused on helping others achieve higher levels of awareness. In other words, what’s at the top is still at the top, but now my motivations have changed. And how does that translate for me? Well, simple. In my life, I have seen people get to the top to please others while hating the ride to get there. I have seen people sell their souls to get to the top and again, even less happy when they got there. So the moral for my life now is trying to enjoy the ride along the way through reflection knowing that once I get to the top, I didn’t get there alone and wanted to help as many people as I could along the way.

That’s my story. And my story has changed from getting to the top by whatever means necessary in order to get what others call success to aiming for the success along the way. So before I derail too much, my message is to find your definition of success. I had to cast aside what others thought success looked like. One thing I didn’t throw away was my ambition. I didn’t want that success façade to change my values. And to stay true to my ambition and sense of value, I had to refocus my priorities and reflect on who I am and what I truly want(ed).

So here we are again – back to mindful living. You know I was going to get back on track at some point. When we are mindful, we are just that. When we are aware, we start to recognize these borrowed anticipations and expectations for what they are. Ideally, and I wish this for everyone, we are moving based on genuine purpose and not by comparison or approval. I want us all to get back to what truly matters….to us.

Kind Rebirths is not about rejecting culture. I love our culture, our art, our music, all of our creative voices. But, somewhere in it, there is a blueprint to some model of success that may not be ours or something that we don’t truly want to be a part of. When we are aware, we can create our own stories and reconstruct how we move and more importantly, how we define what success is. So ask yourself this question, what does success/achievement look like to you?

Stay mindful…

Rebirth