Mindful Listening as a Rebirth Practice
Listening to others is a gift. While it’s something we offer to others freely most times, it is also something we should consider offering to ourselves. I’ve mentioned this before, I know, but the art of listening is actually sort of rare. We routinely listen to others to respond or to defend. We interrupt and correct. Seldom do we listen to understand and on even less occasion than that do we listen to witness. It’s not our fault per se. I cannot point to a single person or group, well, maybe society at large. Simply put, most of us were never taught how to listen to other people effectively and we rarely listen to our own inner world compassionately.
When we listen mindfully and with compassionate intention, everything changes. Our relationships are softened. Our connections are deeper. Conflict is reduced significantly while our ability to empathize increases. With this return to the present, we ignite a profound rebirth. And in this kind of rebirth, we are slowing the pace enough to reach communal understanding with the goal of connecting.
If we get right down to the core, when I listen mindfully, I am looking to slow down and drown out the noise around me long enough to receive the messages that are being communicated. Distractions break communicative bonds. Not just the bonds spoken with words, but the ones that communicate tone, energy, and emotion. When we concentrate mindfully, listening becomes more than mental reactions and responses. It is an experience.
With Others
Whenever people talk, they are offering information, right? They are giving us a piece of their world’s perspective, no matter how skewed it may be or how silly or how contentious. It’s theirs and it’s their right to have them. Now on the flip side, how we receive them is a different ballgame. When mindfulness is called into action, that offering can be received with an open mind rather than with judgment. I’ve seen conflicts arise too often because conversations are disconnected. One person takes an opinionated stance, and the other person fails to relate or agree.
Conversations exist on 2 levels: the surface and the emotional. The surface describes through “what’s being said” and the emotional holds meaning beneath the words that are used. So, when we respond in disagreement, in many cases we choose to respond to the surface rather than attempting to uncover what’s deeper. When we are mindful, we listen with 2 ears – one to hear the surface and the other to decipher the meaning. And this, my friends, makes a world of difference. We are present instead of rehearsing in our minds a response. We are listening without the need to fix or to even offer “advise.” If/and when we respond, we respond with empathy remaining within our boundaries and we ask clarifying questions, again, to gauge meaning.
In this space, we are not letting go of ourselves or sacrificing what we believe. We are simply witnessing and honoring another’s vantage and worldview. I think this path increases the safety and comfort people feel with you. They feel respected and thus they are willing to share more. No matter the relationship, whether a romantic partner, your best friend, your family, or with your coworkers, let that rebirth transform.
These situations transform positively because we choose to listen rather than to respond because we think we have all the right answers.
Stay mindful…
Rebirth
