A Kind Rebirth in the Middle of Self-Doubt
I can’t think of anything I’ve ever started without having some form of doubt creep to the surface. Whether it’s performance anxiety and not being able to deliver or if it’s not developing or delivering a product that someone else would like, it shows up unexpectedly and usually in the most inconvenient times. On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes it arrives just like a dramatic crisis. It just depends on the situation, right? When it shows up as those small hesitations, we begin to second-guess ourselves and our decisions that not too long ago felt natural and right. It’s that subtle feeling that sneaks up on us when our back is turned that makes us feel inadequate or incompetent….even when nothing obvious has gone wrong. That’s what makes self-doubt so damaging – its ability to discourage even when there is no evidence of the contrary.
Kind Rebirths don’t begin by trying to completely avoid or even destroy self-doubt. In a rebirth, we considering acknowledging its presence before dismissing it. Like many other “negative” experiences in our lives, we tend to treat self-doubt as yet another trait to fix, to overcome, or as something we hope to outgrow. Conversely, we speak of self-confidence as a destination or some sort of ethereal state we reach and once there, we can stay there. But what I’ve found is that when living in the experience, it’s not something we can solve like a math problem. It’s more of a signal or a sign. It’s informative. I like to think it’s the mind trying to protect us from risk or other things that expose us emotionally.
I’ve posted a few Uncomfortable Truths over the last few months, well, here is another one. Self-doubt often grows in our moments of transition and change. Anytime we step into something new or anytime we step into something outside of our normal routine, we begin to outgrow older identities. And as these identities no longer fit who we are becoming (or in some cases, who we are returning to), we have to learn to pivot in a manner that allows us to find new spaces to occupy. In that in-between space, that level of certainty is fragile and for obvious reasons.
To rebirth kindly, we don’t need to rush into this space. Here, clarity will arise as it is ready or as it begins to develop. Additionally, it leaves another smaller space inside because it knows that doubt is inevitable. That said, maybe the question shouldn’t be: “How do I get rid of these uncomfortable feelings I’m having?” Perhaps, a more appropriate question would be, “What is this feeling trying to show/teach me?”
Self-doubt, while seemingly an adverse emotion, may actually reveal the things we really care about. If we are doing something new, perhaps it is demonstrating that this newness is something I truly value and want to do right by. Because we are moving into new territory, let’s slow down on judgment. Remember, a Kind Rebirth pillar includes compassion which further includes compassion for self. So, there’s no need to be too hard on ourselves. Also, as we proceed forward into this uncharted area, trying to fix it may not be necessary. Taking time to appreciate the moment and what it intends to show us a necessary step. It requires attention not necessarily movement.
Staying in the present moment with uncertainty and not having it turn into a failed story is a powerful feeling. It’s something we don’t need to assign meaning to too quickly. It’s something we don’t need to define our worth by. By slowing down long enough to witness self-doubt instead of resisting it, some of its grip and grasp are loosened. We don’t need it to vanish; we need it to inform and hold us grounded. When it no longer controls that narrative we are shaping, we can begin to trust our ability to adapt in the face of it.
Consider that self-doubt is not something to abandon; it’s something that we can move with without its debilitating hold over us. Confidence isn’t somewhere to get to one time; it’s something that is built over time one brick at a time. It’s built through experience, reflection, and trust. Self-doubt doesn’t make us lost; it makes us pay attention.
Let’s reframe uncertainty and not be so quick to erase it. To do that effectively, we just need to keep showing up.
Stay mindful…
Rebirth
