Sometimes the Ending Isn’t Mutual – And That Still Matters
There are some endings in relationships that we go through in life that land in complete agreement. As both people begin to feel a shift or they recognize that the ending is just beyond the horizon, they are able to separate peacefully and amicably. However, many endings unfortunately don’t end that way. On many occasions individuals are left on the losing end of heartbreak. The balance of pain isn’t quite equal or equally distributed. While peaceful endings where both parties move on without the commotion and turmoil leaving a certain kind of equilibrium to exist, others may be left in sorrow facing some form of misery and unhappiness. This isn’t a too uncommon experience in society whereas one person is ready to move on and the other is left standing there trying to figure out what happened. Do you know this relationship?
When a relationship faces its own mortality, it can leave a serious and lasting impression. It’s not only sadness one feels, but it is a feeling of imbalance. Though one side of the story is still holding on trying to keep things together by whatever means necessary, the other part is silent almost non-existent, maybe even moved on to something new. In the Kind Rebirths space, this moment is not something to rush past or to take lightly. It commands a little bit of your attention.
Endings that don’t end on happy terms (or even on speaking terms) still hold valuable and useable meaning. It speaks to how deeply we can connect, how differently we both assess the moment, and how we both envision things when it doesn’t end with a mutual understanding. Wouldn't it be great if we could choose how intense a break would occur? I would choose a path that leads to an equitable split, to make things more fair. Personally, I believe I have a spirit inside of me that searches for fairness. I want a type of closure that would match how it began, peaceful and with loving-kindness. However, that's not the life we live and it rarely (if ever) follows that type of symmetry.
In our attempts to regain our grounding after a breakup, I think much of the work is not spent trying to find balance between the two parties. As you can imagine there are residual feelings left behind that are hard to overcome. In that case, finding the balance might not be a path worth choosing. Consider searching for the path that leads us back to a “return to self” in order to find that equilibrium again.
A Kind Rebirth in this space begins with acknowledging what is real. The disappointment, the unanswered questions, the haunting of that lingering and persistent attachment, these are real feelings. They are valid and the fact that you feel unprotected and exposed after a break is understandable. One is justified in feeling temporarily defeated. I know it’s always easier to say this when one isn’t experiencing that type of pain in this moment, but I’m going to say it anyway: “Don’t fret.” Don’t fret because these feelings are not signs of weakness. They are evidence of participation — proof that you showed up fully in a shared experience.
When an ending isn’t met on mutual grounds, it invites a different kind of understanding. Closure is not always something that can be granted by another person. Often, it is something born from and cultivated internally through compassion and through awareness.
The ability to reclaim your presence, or returning to yourself, after an uneven ending is not about rewriting the past. Don’t let it become that. Let it emerge as an interpretation and integration of what happened or something you’ve gone through and still came out on the other side without letting it define your future capacity for connection. Even though we may be carrying forward undeniable pain, we too carry the knowledge of how we love (how deeply and how intentional) and the things that we value when we love. This is what mindful alignment feels like. And that knowledge matters.
Because of all the endings we experience, whether they are mutual or not, it becomes part of the slow design and architecture of who we are becoming. It shapes and sharpens our awareness. It refines our boundaries. It deepens our understanding of love and connection with someone else.
To end on a transparent note: a Kind Rebirth does not erase the lopsidedness or unfairness of the ending nor does it mean to. It holds it carefully. It learns from it. It allows it to settle into a larger story that is still unfolding.
Stay mindful…
Rebirth
