The Life that Works, But Feels Off

If you’re like me, there are many versions of our lives that work seamlessly – no problems, no confusion, and no chaos. We show up every day and handle what is presented to us, whatever life can throw at us. This is the person that people tend to rely on and often feel they can trust. And from the outside of the window looking in, everything appears steady, productive, and dependable. And for the most part and in many ways, it is. But sometimes, something inside of us doesn’t always land the way that it used to.

This doesn’t mean something is drastically wrong and that it’s time to get help. Nothing has fallen apart necessarily, and this type of disruption doesn’t demand that we stop what we are doing to address it. But still, when things are settled, there’s a subtle awareness that something is slightly different, slightly off, or slightly out of place. Again, it’s not enough to ring a panic alarm, but it does incite your attention.

That type of awareness is not easy to explain, especially when everything is still in “working order.” So naturally, we keep moving. We keep pushing forward. We continue to be who we’ve always been. We persist in fulfilling our responsibilities and we meet the needs of the world around us. In essence, we cater to the expectations of the world.

I’ve felt like this before and still do. Then the question I begin to ask myself is: “Does this way of life still fit me? Does it still work for me like it used to?” While those questions come with worry, it comes with little urgency. It doesn’t necessitate an immediate answer. And if anything, it sits way back and lingers in the background and shadows of our minds returning at unexpected times. For instance, maybe when we are taking a break during our day, when we reflect after a deep conversation we’ve had with someone or others, or simply the time in between moving from one task to another.

For me, that’s where the real value is. To not rush to resolve questions like these is allowing yourself to recognize that it is there. It is not an uncommon occurrence for the direction we think we need to show up after the awareness arrives. And in the meantime, we are not lost. It more likely means that we are just scratching the surface of seeing our life with a level of clarity that was not previously there. That’s the return. That’s the Rebirth.

Stay mindful…

Rebirth.