What if You’re Not Supposed to Learn Something from Everything?

Is it common that we as human beings try to turn everything, every experience into some kind of lesson? If something goes wrong or if something or someone disappoints us, why do we immediately try to search for some underline meaning that we feel was meant for us? I know overall it’s important for us to try and find meaning or reason in everything we go through as some way of welcoming some wisdom that will emerge from difficult moments. But what if that’s not necessarily the truth in every circumstance? Can some experiences just exist as an experience we are supposed to go through?

For me, I think many times we have become so used to the type of language that amplifies personal growth that we sometimes forget that we can simply live without the baggage of trying to constantly extract meaning from everything. Frustrating or confusing conversations does not always contain a profound revelation about interpersonal communication. Making the wrong decision in a situation doesn’t always reveal a hidden weakness within our communication style or personal characteristic. It feels like sometimes we are just afraid to admit that sometimes we have bad days…with no rationale. And that said, sometimes the next day may still be better or more productive without having learned anything groundbreaking.

It may seem that I say that with great ease, so please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t advise anyone to abandon that innate gift we are all blessed with, the ability to reflect, and to ignore those key opportunities we get to grow. With awareness, we are blessed to recognize patterns, we can challenge assumptions that are often handed down, and it can help us understand why we react the way we do. But wisdom lets us know that there is a big difference between noticing what an experience can reveal from an instance that states that every experience in our lives must reveal something unseen. This is the difference between thoughtful and mindful curiosity and the creation of unnecessary pressure.

Let’s put it in the most basic and practical terms: how exhausting is it or would it be to have to treat every moment as a task or an assignment? Think it through. Every mistake would require an explanation. Any disagreement would require a breakthrough discovery. All the personal disappointment we face must in some way contribute to the person we are supposed to become. And when all of this plays out, all ordinary acts of living becomes another responsibility to manage.

What I have discovered is that with mindfulness, we are offered other possibilities and other solutions. So for example, instead of focusing on what an experience means, perhaps we can start by asking what that it is. Let’s recognize frustration at face value without turning it into a life lesson. Enjoy beautiful moments without needing to preserve the significance it’s supposed have. Let disappointment take shape without clinging to a belief that something must come from it. With awareness, I concede that something is meant to be revealed. But maybe there are other times when it simply needs us to acknowledge that after recognition, nothing further needs to be done.

I think this is worth bearing in mind. Does personal growth always mean we need to transform every moment into wisdom? In fact, maybe sometimes the most mindful thing to do is to allow experience to live exactly as it is: with a demand to be or become something else.

Stay mindful…

Rebirth.