Why Letting Go Is Sometimes Avoidance
When we hear people, like us here, mention the phrase, “let go” or “letting go”, it is meant to prescribe a remedy to our tendency to attach ourselves to things that do not benefit us. In some cases it’s actually a weight we carry around with us hindering us from growing in positive directions. While it is based in good intentions meaning to bring peace and closure, it can be dangerous. Letting go is often an action that needs to occur, but sometimes it too can be a distraction or an illusion if we are not wise enough to notice when it is being used as a shortcut to bypass the intended lesson.
No matter what the situation and no matter the resolution, there is an underlining message to be taught (more than that, to be learned). At Kind Rebirths, we recognize that learning to release is a product of understanding and not of exhaustion or a desperation to escape.
It’s not unusual for us to make claims that we have let something go because the situation just got too heavy to bear. In instances like these, we often have not fully processed what has occurred or we aim to forget that that something ever happened. We pretend we never said something we actually did or we pretend we didn’t commit a wrong hoping it never resurfaces. As such, we act as if the chapter has closed because we pretend it never existed. That may solve the problem but only temporarily. We have not examined nor faced the core of the problem.
When we begin to assess and address the problem, we start the process of witnessing. Remember true mindfulness doesn’t ask that you avoid painful feelings or emotions, it requires that you address them objectively to find closure. Part of the lesson is the work we put into the corrective action. And forgetting is not an action item on that corrective plan. Instead of forgetting, try feeling. Instead of choosing an appearance of being healed, choose the path of self-honesty.
We live in a climate and society built on solving emotional conflicts expediently and with efficiency. We glorify quick come backs and moving on without baggage. The truth, however, shows us that there is no standard timeline for healing and it sometimes there are still consequences we have to face. Instead of disappearing completely, the remnants of what we leave simply sit back in the shadows and wait to attack when we are weak, not paying attention, or have become too proud to acknowledge its impacts to us. Its ugly head will reveal itself in how we respond to others and in our relationships. Furthermore, it becomes part of our personality and who we are.
There is more to “letting go” than just letting go. It requires a little due diligence. It means that we may have to stay in the moment of disappointment; we may have to face the anger we feel head on; or we may have to challenge our personal grief with pride. Let us not confuse shifting the burden or the blame with a rebirth of resolution simply to sound enlightened. Kind Rebirths necessitates something wholly different.
So, what is the difference? Well, it asks us to pause and step back from a situation to determine what am I actually trying to avoid feeling? And then why? It asks from us if we truly desire to move forward with clarity of truth, despite the pending or potential obstacles we may encounter, or if we want to continue to move deluded and fatigued. It is an invitation to sit at that table of truth where the ability to understand outranks the ability to release.
To accomplish this uneasy task will take time. It’s a gradual, slow-burning fix. It involves reflection and presence of emotions. It involves accountability. We have to learn that erasing the past is not a priority nor is it an option for that matter. It’s about changing the dynamics of the relationship we have with it. It’s integration and not separation. What we are striving for is not forced and it arrives without making a lot of noise and without spectacle. Once we allow ourselves to hear it, ideally we will know the difference between freedom and numbness and acceptance and avoidance.
As I mentioned at the start, it may not be easy. But we can’t give up. This is our journey back to peace and to the present moment unattached and happy. Because we may struggle along the way doesn’t mean we aren’t advancing. It’s new and it just means we may need to slow down just a little more or maybe we need to listen a little harder. When letting go comes from a grounded and compassionate “us”, the release will occur naturally. And when it really sets in, you will learn that there is nothing to release. This is a Kind Rebirth into clarity.
Stay mindful…
Rebirth
